Heart Break-Break UP

I finally did it. After a week or more of sighing and just talking about it, i finally just grit my teeth and did it....

I DUMPED HIM!!!!

It was the hardest thing I've ever done. harder than sitting out part of my Volleyball starter season, harder than not being about to walk for 4 months, harder than any geometry homework I've had, and harder than watching my dad leave.

It was the most bitter-sweet taste to let go of the only guy I've ever loved or come close to loving. I was a full blown slap in the face for BOTH of us. But after not hearing from him for more then 4 days, almost 5 days and finding out that he was hanging out with his EX.... i just couldn't do it. All the lies and unretured phone calls left me more broken than a mirror fallen from a wall. I was a mess.

He took it really bad. He went from sad to hit you with a fright train furious in uder 30 seconds. He said that it wasn't his fault that he lived 45 minuets away, and that when ever I call he's with his friends, and how he hasn't been home all week till late. It's NEVERhis fault (TOTAL SCARCASM!!!!) he can never own up to him being wrong. I told him that it only takes 2 minuets to pick up the phone and call me and that his friends wouldn't care if he talked to me for a little while. and also that its his own fault he got in late cause he was out partying.

We didn't speak on our 1 month anniversary, and he ignored my phone calls for 3 days and then claimed he was busy. I feel really bad but its so not my fault that he could be grown up for like 10 minuets and just try and talk it out. He actually hung up the phone on me.

We've been friends since October and dating since April 24. he was my best friend and the only guy I've ever loved. I'm sorry that its over...... But I'm NOT sorry that i don't cry myself to sleep anymore or have to tiptoe around his mood swings.

So this is my final goodbye. I'll forgive but NEVER forget. We will be friends but also enemies.

i LOVE YOU!

Dolgville Prom 2010

May 15th, 2010
Dolgville High School

This was the best day of my life. My 1st prom.... an expirence I'll never forget. I was crazy nervous, i was going to be the only person from my school there and i was afraid i was going to feel left out. But everyone there was really nice. All his friends included me when we were dancing and introduced me to everyone. His friends kept telling me how beautiful I was and wondering how he got me.
He took me to dinner at Beardslee Manor (its my favorite place & haunted). The prom theme was "Under The Stars". I loved all his friends. One girl (his ex from before me) wanted to dance with him... so i let her. I danced with her date (& we are now good friends). He treated me like a princess the whole nite.
At one point, we went outside to sit in the court yard that they had decorated with candles and lights. It was so romantic and beautiful. I had an origional dress and a hot date. It really was an amazing nite.
And even though we didn't go out and party ( I had a curfew) we still had a good time just hanging out and talking =)

BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE BY FARRRR! ♥

.....?

Saturday....
Sunday....
Monday....
Tuesday....
Wednsday....

5 Days......................thats a long time.

What is Love?

A few days ago, I was at a bonfire with some our family friends. They have two daughters: one is 7 and the older one is 10. while the little one was playing at the park with her friends, the older one said she wanted to ask me a question. So she grabbed a blanket, and we sat under the stars. I showed her the big dipper, ursala major, and the little dipper. no one had ever showed her before.
She was quiet for a while and I though she'd fallen asleep. But then she looked up at me. She asked me if I'd ever been in love before. Smiling, I told her "yes".
Then she asked me if he loved me...... and I told her "i think so".

It was quiet again. The she asked me...... "Emma... what IS love?"
I looked at her, at this little 10 year old girl who wanted me to explain what love is. How do you answer that question..... a question with infinate definations. I decided to tell her what it ment to me.

"It's different to everybody Marissa....just remember that. To me... its the feeling that someone couldn't live without you and that when your not with them.. its like your missing a part of yourself. you'll do anything for that person no matter how bad they hurt you or how bad they break your heart. you'll remember him till the day you die and every moment you spent together. You fight, break up, maybe even move on... but everything comes back to him and no matter how hard you try... you can never forget. Because he was apart of you and when he's gone, that piece is missing.....
It's waking up to him calling you just to say he loves you and to wish you a good day. It's him hugging you when you cry and kissing your forehead. It's just the feeling inside.... when everything makes sense and it just feels right. It isn't always easy and sometimes you'll want to throw him into oncoming traffic but then you realize you'd kill yourself trying to save him. Thats just how it is."

Then she shocked me by asking..."Emma do you love Cj?"
"Yes"
"Will you be together forever...?"
I shrugged. "depends on how you look at it. We might break up, i might move away so maybe not always together physically but he'll always be in my memories and in my heart. so yes technacally we'll be together for a long time."
"Does that make sense?"
she nodded. and i found out later from her dad that she had a little admirer at school who told her he loved her. <3

HELP!!!! SOS!!!! =(

I dunno what to do. I mean....... What do you do when you love someone and they just keep lying to you? They always say that they're telling you everything, but then they forget that they lied and then the truth comes out. Like rain from the sky, it hits you. Right inbetween the eyes.
You let it go everytime but it just keeps happening. And everytime, you die a little bit inside. Everyone does. But I can tell you one thing, pretty soon there isn't going to be anything left to kill.
let me put it in story form................................:
theres a guy and a girl. they meet at a concert and get to be really close. girl & guy date for a few weeks before boy breaks it off because he "hardly ever gets to see her". She cries and it breaks her heart. they don't talk for a while, a month or more. Girl tries to put it behind her and stats tlaking to someone else who likes her and vice versa. Then boy comes back and wants to be friends. so they are friends and talk everyday. Then girl finds out that there is another girl in his life: a girlfriend. she pretends not to care and they hangout at her volleyball match. Guy kisses girl and tells her that he broke up with the other girl a few days ago. and for a while, everything is good.
then the next day at school girl's other guy friend kisses her. she's confused but decides to trust the boy one more time. she stay away from the boy who kissed her. right before christmas, other boythe boy she let go scares her. so the girl says nothing....just cries. then over break girl has to have surgery, nothing major but she's still scared. so she calls the boy she went back to and he hangs up the phone on her. because theres another other girl and now Girl has been forgotten again. so girl has surgery and heals. then one day she just wants answers and decides to call boy. Boy nearly overdosed and is sick. nobody but girl knows and she tells him what to do to get better.
Girl saved the boys life. she finds out that his girlfriend dumped him and he tried to feel nothing. she helps him threw it and forgets that she was ever angry with him. they start talking again like no time has passed. then they grow apart for a while. girl found someone new who didn't make her hurt inside and she got close with new boy. it doesn't work out and girl feels stupid and alone so she calls Boy for help. But instead of helping her feel better boy calls her tainted and hangs up on her again. poor girl is on her own again. So they don't talk for a while. and she moves on.
but boy wants to make it all right, he calls her all the time and instead of being a good friend, guilt trips her about it and makes her cry. but girl keeps it all inside, thinkin gits her fault. so boy asks her to prom and she agrees to go with him. hen a few weeks later he calls her with news that he's got a date to prom. girl said nothing and listened as he tells her how he's going with a girl who asked him from his school. he calls her all the time and its almost like their friends again. like nothing ever changed.
but then boy calls girl one day after school and asks her if she'll go to prom with him. he tells her how he really wanted to go with her and how sorry he is that he fogot about her. girl accepts it as her fault and agrees to go. they make plans and girl gets a dress. their parents meet and its all good like it's supposed to be. then girl finds out that when boy was guilt tripping her about her other guy that he had a girl friend. girl lets it go cause it's all in th past. and the next time they fight he blames her for his "iokesmng" problem that girl didn't kow about.
girl blocks his call until he says he's sorry for hurting her. and she forgives him again. prom rolls around till its only a few days away. they talk about plans and stuff. they've been dating for almost 3 weeks now. they girl finds out that when guy was telling her he loved her when he was going to prom with "ther girl" they were dating. now girl doesn't know what to do. everytime she tried to move on, he came back and wanted her again. but all the times he said "I LOVE YOU" there was always someone else. guy makes up the rule and girl follows them. they don't apply to him.
So girl doesn't know what to do know. she wonders if she;' given him too many chances and if she should walk away after prom. maybe even before then. this poor girl is tired of being in the wrong when all she does is love him.
What should she do??????

Migrane Attack & So Much More

Yesterday I had a migrane attack in school. Everyone has different simptoms and everyone takes slightly different forms of medication. My right arm went numb and i dropped one of my sculpture (it didn't break thank god!), then the right side of my face followed suit. I couldn't speak normally (I've hear a 1 year old who could speak better english) and i was shaking like my blood sugar dropped.
My mom made me go to school because neither of us recongnized the simptoms. i collapsed on the bus (Nobody saw) and i couldn't even listen to my Ipod cause the music was making me want to throw up. You know there's something wrong with me when i can't listen to music. My friend Elina said i was looking right at her and i don't even remember seeing her. Somehow I made it to teh chorus room and my music professor sent me to my homeroom (French Level 3). Our school Nurse doesn't come in until after 8:30 and classes start at 7:50. So I was toally screwed.
Eventually the nurse got in and THEN she decides to give me a hard time about it. She said it looked like i was faking. How the HELL to you fake a migrane???? I mena really now!!! So my mom came and got me and then conviently the nurse "remember" that she had my medication from the last time it happened. I was flipping pissed! If I'd been able to walk in a straight line without falling over from dizziness i would've flipped out. That was totally UNCALLED for and I Know for a fact she didn't forget, cause she picked me up off the floor the last time it happened.
it's total bogus, but i slept for 7 houts, misssed my last track meet and my last chance to qualify for sectionals, ate, and got another migrane. Life Sucks!!!

I Don't Get It!

QUESTION OF THE DAY!

Why do people have to pretend?

Like i really just don't get it. They all seem to take pride in being generic: acting, looking, and pretending to be just like everyone else. Why would you want to be just like everyone else? Isn't who you've grown to be enough? All the girls who dress in the same name brand clothes as everyone and their cousin and act like the other girls who don't give a damn are below them.

What makes having fake nails, dyed hair, and tres tres expensive clothes so special? I really don't get it. So the girls with the natural red hair, freckles, scars, far-out clothes, different jewelry, & bold make up are the REAL people.

Hola!

Wow today was crazy. I had a thought today.........

Someone made a comment about how they would be totally miserable if they were married at 16 years old, because they don't know if they've met their true love yet.

But I Think it's possiable to meet someone a 16 and that person really be their soul mate.

Don't you?

I mean think about it this way..........

hundreds of years ago.....actually not even that long ago, girls were married off at 16 and sometimes way younger. Like royalty for example they were often bethrothed at birth and were never really given a chance to find true love.

Like really, off the top of my head, i can think of at least 3 example (fictional or no) who found love at a young age.

1 - Romeo & Juilet...... i mean sure they both die, but they go TOGETHER!!!!

2 - Rose Dewitt-Beaucater & Jake Dawson........ she gave up everything for him and he did the same for her. I think they both die to come to thin of it.

3 - Noah & Allie Calhoun......... no matter what happened they always came back to one another.

But I'm not sure i could really ever imagen marrying one of the poor fools from my school.... hence my point that i don't date guys from my school. Or maybe the point is not TRUE LOVE but FIRST LOVE!

Either way, think about it....... Would you marry at your age....whatever that age maybe?

VOILA!

After 10 months of being M.I.A. I'm BACK! and here to stay.

So much has happened that I'm not sure where to start.......

I'm not with the boyfriend i was with last time i blogged, Dylon. He left me after our One Month for my best friend Sammi. But then he dumped her for his best friends lil sister. So hes all whatever now. about a month after we broke up, i meet thsis awesome guy at a concert and now after talking since October, we're dating! He's takine me to prom next saturday at his highschool. My dress is B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!!!! Its so perfect for me. We're going to dinner at Beardly Manor with our families. It's going to be amazing!!!

He's wicked sweet and makes me feel special. i really lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend. =)

Finally Back YAY!

hi Mon Amies!

Sorry it took so long. I mean its been over a MONTH! Haha Miss me much? XD

Just thought ii'd finally up date my page because SOOOOO much has happened in the last 36 days!!!

Okay so in my last post, under my list of things i wanted, i listed a boyfriend.

I GOT MY FREAKIN WISH!
He's A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! On Monday the 31st it wil be 2 Weeks! YAY!

He's has been one of my closestfriends for a few years now and.........Im at a loss for words XD.

I spent yesterday with him at his Grandparents house. We went swimming and got majorly sunburnt! hahaha We had a good time drowning our friend Brandon when he got to annoying lol! ( for the recored he is still alive at my request). HA!

Yeah so my parents are gone this weekend to Maine and New Hampshire to visit friends and family. i have to stay here for a photo-thing. not quite sure what it is, but O-Well! ha

Yeah so my b-day was August 5 th and i had an amazing party the week after. almost all my besties came up and we played guitar hero and had a HUGE water ballon fight. They all ganged up on me and so needless to say i'm the one who eneded up soaking wet! they are SOOO mean to me! haha but i guess they were mjust doing their job XD!

Kay thats is all i feel like writing now! TTUS

XOXOXOXO

~♥Em♥~

New Thoughts

kay kay ppl! i'm atrating another blogg later. YAY! o wait there is no one to celebrate with cause no one is reading this!! XD silly me. :P

haha so i'm bored and i forgot my notebook at home so i have nothing to write. wow thats lame! i need a life!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay so i'll just make a list of things i want right now! XD

1.) A FREAKIN CAR PPL! hopefully a punchbuggy convertable in a bright pruple.

2.)maybe a boy friends who loves me.....maybe not. i.d.c

3.) to go far far away from frankfort, NY

4.) my life/ the world to make sence finally.

5.) i want poeple to say what they mean and stand by it.

6.) i want a really big smoothie! berry flavored babay!

7.) a hugg, i kinda feel like crying : (

8.) TEXTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Now a list of my Goals in life:

1.) Go to Northwestern University

2.) Move out asap.

3.) Become a successful writer of some kind....most likely fiction.

4.) Study forensic Anthoropology.

5.) Be successful in life and never need help.

6.) Travel the world and write my books.

7.) Fall in love and be happy XD

8.) Take chances and live life to the fullest.

Now a list of fears:

1.) CLOWNS! they scare the shit out of me!!!

2.) Snakes EWWWWWW!

3.) Spiders *see above*

4.) White Jeeps (i was hit by one)

5.) The nissan comercials where the ppl become the earth, water, sky etc....its just NOT NATURAL!!!

okay i'm done now lol ttus!
X0X0X0X0X0,

~♥Em♥~

an excerpt from my diary......

hey ppl hayy!

for something new i thought i would copy a section from my diary.

here it is:

July 16th, 2009

i am s confused and uncertain.......

my thoughts are skattered like dragon flies on the lake's surface, drifting and always darting too and fro.

Jumbeled together like the pieces of a puzzel still in the box, not yet pieced together.

Broken like my poor soul, tatterd and bruised.

They all say the same words, yet i fear some say them in jest or with the emptiness of the air we breath.

*One claims to love although he rejects the strange and new. He is also a coward and a lier.

* Anther claims to love yet will not show me any affection where sightful eyes may peer.

*and the last claimed to posses a love but can only love what he sees and can control, not what is really there.

i know they all "love" in their own way, but their minds are corsetted by their failured, limitations, and lack of balance.

Two of them flaw & error in worse ways than what i've scripted. Yet th one left out of that group is oddly the one of late, i have come to love.

If the first man cannot love me for who i am and am not, then i myself cannot live my life to the extent of its boundaries.

and if the third man has to control me in order to preserve a balance, i cnnot remain serene and civil for long.

By mayhapps if that second man could brave the foul opinions of others, and show me how he really feels, than what we both know we have could grow into something real.

Back Again........

Hayyy Heyyy!

I'm Back again! And this time summer is kickin ass! If i mentioned that i hated summer before.....well i'm taking it back!!! Summer freakin rox!!!!!

I just got back from camping in the finger lakes with my family. My friend Manda went with us and we had a BLAST!! We met up with my mum's best friend and her family. I finally got to meet my god-brother who is totally awesome and his younger brother (who's name will be Chace). Anyway he's so totally cute and we had a thing going while we were there.Unfourtunatly he live 6 hours away but i will still get to see him when ever we get together. I guess thats better than not at all. XD

We had an awesome time and i cried when we left. like i litterly CRIED A RIVER. Which is really unlike me, just for the record. But yeah. So i love, and am over the other 3 guys i've mentioned on here.

I guess i Really LOVE him. But......

Caio For Now!

XOXOXO

~♥EM♥~

Again & Again........!

OKAY!

I'm back again! Miss me much? lol : P

Okay so Now that this has been here like what.........1 week and no one is following it, i figured that i'm truly glad no one is reading this. i mean wow . haha okay so nothing much to talk about today. Other than i ran like 6 miles yesterday! YAY me!

So Newest Issue (i seem to have alot of these latley) :

Ok so i used to go out with this guy (for this purpose i'll call him Mike). We only dated for like 2 weeks because he cheated on me with one of my friends. But we've gotten past that and started talking again. I know he's trouble but he's just funny to listen to. Like i'm not even kidding you would have to hear it to believe it. anyway I'm not sure that i like him but i KNOW he likes me. He just came out of a relationship with some girl who left him for his bestfriend and i'm NOT going to Be a rebound girl EverEver!Anyway he want me to hang out with him but i'm not sure because he's notorious for moving through girls like really really fast. I don't want to take another trip down that road. NO THANK YOU! So i guess i'll just bring someone with me. Now who to bring .....who to bring. NO IDEA!

But Caio for now!

XOXOXOXO

~♥EM♥~

Summer Time?

ok so i'm back again (haha not like anyone is actually reading this crapp). And i guess now that regents are over, school is closed and the weather is getting better (Not Really) it really is summer!
Honestly at the moment i could really care less because now i have WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY to much time on my hands as you can clearly see. But i have to find ways to entertain myself. Writing here is one of them i guess. ;P
So here is my newest re-occuring problem. This guy i go to school with likes me. He is really sweet and all but when ever i hang with other guys he gets all jelous and bent out of shape. I used to like him but now it a total turn off. I'm not sure how to handle it or what to say. I want to still be friends but i DON"T belong to him or any man. EVER! So now that u know whats plaugeing me..........HELP SOS! SOMEONE !!!!! ANYBODY!!!!!!! SOS!
okay that may have been a bit dramatic but hey i am who i is. lolz XD so I'd say post a comment(but no one can cause o one is reading this *laughs really hard*)!
So Ta Ta for now ppl! Peace Out!!!
XOXOXOXO
~♥Em♥~

Since no one is reading this.....

Okay, so since no one is reading this, i'm going allout. : P
Here is a list of what i look for in a guy in no specific order. : ) Here goes nothing.
♥ Honesty and Loyalty
♥ Loving and Considerate
♥ Hardworking and Responsable
♥ Creative and Expressive
♥ Likes People and Alone Time
♥ Smart and Determined
♥ Handsome but NOT Overconfident!!!
♥ Friendly and Funny
♥ Sweet and Romantic
♥ Loves me more than ANYTHING!

Kay OXOXOXO
~♥Em♥~

♥Hey sorry I didn't finish my last post. Something came up. I can't remember if i mentioned why i started this blog by if i didn't ....well here goes nothing. : P

♥ Ok my life is crazy, complex, and most of the time annoy as all hell. But there are goo times too! Quite a few of them. ANd one of my major problems is i THINK WAYY WAYY to much. If anyone decides to read this their probally going "how is that a bad thing?" but i over think things and make it way harder than it sould be.

♥Okay so now that we have that established. LOL Anyone who reads this is welcome to comment or offer advice. Anyone at all. Unles you are a creeper then back away!!!!!!

♥SO HERE IS MY FIRST PROBLEM...............COMMENT WELCOME!!!!

♥Ok so Monday was my last day of school. Only we have to come back for this state wid etests called REGENTS! Freshman have to take 2. One in science and one in Math. Well There is this really hot guy in my math class. He shall remain nameless. : P but anyway i've liked him since like January. He's just a really good guy and we busted in class for talking and stuff like that all the time. So one day my best guy friend asked me if we were going out. I was really suprised. Honestly i was! he thought we were because of how the guy i like is always staring at me and how we always get in trouble. I said o and had never really noticed before. (probally because i was staring back!) But Monday we went to the computr lab and was sitting with my bff. and every time i looked up, My crush was staring at me from his seat 2 rows in front of me. Now i don't want to be the one to ask him out (mostly because the year is over and all) but what should i do? I'll see him friday for the math regents. so let me know.

XOXOXOXOX~

♥EM♥

1st Post

HEY PEOPLE HAY!!!!!

I'm Em. I'm 15 years old and female. I just finished my freshman year in highschool yesterday and i'm SO gald it summer. i play soccer and volleyball for my school. I also am a singer and actor. Music is my life! my Ipod nano is my constant companion weither i'm in school, on a trip, or in my room. I'm single and not really lovin it and not really hating it either.