Heart Break-Break UP

I finally did it. After a week or more of sighing and just talking about it, i finally just grit my teeth and did it....

I DUMPED HIM!!!!

It was the hardest thing I've ever done. harder than sitting out part of my Volleyball starter season, harder than not being about to walk for 4 months, harder than any geometry homework I've had, and harder than watching my dad leave.

It was the most bitter-sweet taste to let go of the only guy I've ever loved or come close to loving. I was a full blown slap in the face for BOTH of us. But after not hearing from him for more then 4 days, almost 5 days and finding out that he was hanging out with his EX.... i just couldn't do it. All the lies and unretured phone calls left me more broken than a mirror fallen from a wall. I was a mess.

He took it really bad. He went from sad to hit you with a fright train furious in uder 30 seconds. He said that it wasn't his fault that he lived 45 minuets away, and that when ever I call he's with his friends, and how he hasn't been home all week till late. It's NEVERhis fault (TOTAL SCARCASM!!!!) he can never own up to him being wrong. I told him that it only takes 2 minuets to pick up the phone and call me and that his friends wouldn't care if he talked to me for a little while. and also that its his own fault he got in late cause he was out partying.

We didn't speak on our 1 month anniversary, and he ignored my phone calls for 3 days and then claimed he was busy. I feel really bad but its so not my fault that he could be grown up for like 10 minuets and just try and talk it out. He actually hung up the phone on me.

We've been friends since October and dating since April 24. he was my best friend and the only guy I've ever loved. I'm sorry that its over...... But I'm NOT sorry that i don't cry myself to sleep anymore or have to tiptoe around his mood swings.

So this is my final goodbye. I'll forgive but NEVER forget. We will be friends but also enemies.

i LOVE YOU!

Dolgville Prom 2010

May 15th, 2010
Dolgville High School

This was the best day of my life. My 1st prom.... an expirence I'll never forget. I was crazy nervous, i was going to be the only person from my school there and i was afraid i was going to feel left out. But everyone there was really nice. All his friends included me when we were dancing and introduced me to everyone. His friends kept telling me how beautiful I was and wondering how he got me.
He took me to dinner at Beardslee Manor (its my favorite place & haunted). The prom theme was "Under The Stars". I loved all his friends. One girl (his ex from before me) wanted to dance with him... so i let her. I danced with her date (& we are now good friends). He treated me like a princess the whole nite.
At one point, we went outside to sit in the court yard that they had decorated with candles and lights. It was so romantic and beautiful. I had an origional dress and a hot date. It really was an amazing nite.
And even though we didn't go out and party ( I had a curfew) we still had a good time just hanging out and talking =)

BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE BY FARRRR! ♥

.....?

Saturday....
Sunday....
Monday....
Tuesday....
Wednsday....

5 Days......................thats a long time.

What is Love?

A few days ago, I was at a bonfire with some our family friends. They have two daughters: one is 7 and the older one is 10. while the little one was playing at the park with her friends, the older one said she wanted to ask me a question. So she grabbed a blanket, and we sat under the stars. I showed her the big dipper, ursala major, and the little dipper. no one had ever showed her before.
She was quiet for a while and I though she'd fallen asleep. But then she looked up at me. She asked me if I'd ever been in love before. Smiling, I told her "yes".
Then she asked me if he loved me...... and I told her "i think so".

It was quiet again. The she asked me...... "Emma... what IS love?"
I looked at her, at this little 10 year old girl who wanted me to explain what love is. How do you answer that question..... a question with infinate definations. I decided to tell her what it ment to me.

"It's different to everybody Marissa....just remember that. To me... its the feeling that someone couldn't live without you and that when your not with them.. its like your missing a part of yourself. you'll do anything for that person no matter how bad they hurt you or how bad they break your heart. you'll remember him till the day you die and every moment you spent together. You fight, break up, maybe even move on... but everything comes back to him and no matter how hard you try... you can never forget. Because he was apart of you and when he's gone, that piece is missing.....
It's waking up to him calling you just to say he loves you and to wish you a good day. It's him hugging you when you cry and kissing your forehead. It's just the feeling inside.... when everything makes sense and it just feels right. It isn't always easy and sometimes you'll want to throw him into oncoming traffic but then you realize you'd kill yourself trying to save him. Thats just how it is."

Then she shocked me by asking..."Emma do you love Cj?"
"Yes"
"Will you be together forever...?"
I shrugged. "depends on how you look at it. We might break up, i might move away so maybe not always together physically but he'll always be in my memories and in my heart. so yes technacally we'll be together for a long time."
"Does that make sense?"
she nodded. and i found out later from her dad that she had a little admirer at school who told her he loved her. <3

HELP!!!! SOS!!!! =(

I dunno what to do. I mean....... What do you do when you love someone and they just keep lying to you? They always say that they're telling you everything, but then they forget that they lied and then the truth comes out. Like rain from the sky, it hits you. Right inbetween the eyes.
You let it go everytime but it just keeps happening. And everytime, you die a little bit inside. Everyone does. But I can tell you one thing, pretty soon there isn't going to be anything left to kill.
let me put it in story form................................:
theres a guy and a girl. they meet at a concert and get to be really close. girl & guy date for a few weeks before boy breaks it off because he "hardly ever gets to see her". She cries and it breaks her heart. they don't talk for a while, a month or more. Girl tries to put it behind her and stats tlaking to someone else who likes her and vice versa. Then boy comes back and wants to be friends. so they are friends and talk everyday. Then girl finds out that there is another girl in his life: a girlfriend. she pretends not to care and they hangout at her volleyball match. Guy kisses girl and tells her that he broke up with the other girl a few days ago. and for a while, everything is good.
then the next day at school girl's other guy friend kisses her. she's confused but decides to trust the boy one more time. she stay away from the boy who kissed her. right before christmas, other boythe boy she let go scares her. so the girl says nothing....just cries. then over break girl has to have surgery, nothing major but she's still scared. so she calls the boy she went back to and he hangs up the phone on her. because theres another other girl and now Girl has been forgotten again. so girl has surgery and heals. then one day she just wants answers and decides to call boy. Boy nearly overdosed and is sick. nobody but girl knows and she tells him what to do to get better.
Girl saved the boys life. she finds out that his girlfriend dumped him and he tried to feel nothing. she helps him threw it and forgets that she was ever angry with him. they start talking again like no time has passed. then they grow apart for a while. girl found someone new who didn't make her hurt inside and she got close with new boy. it doesn't work out and girl feels stupid and alone so she calls Boy for help. But instead of helping her feel better boy calls her tainted and hangs up on her again. poor girl is on her own again. So they don't talk for a while. and she moves on.
but boy wants to make it all right, he calls her all the time and instead of being a good friend, guilt trips her about it and makes her cry. but girl keeps it all inside, thinkin gits her fault. so boy asks her to prom and she agrees to go with him. hen a few weeks later he calls her with news that he's got a date to prom. girl said nothing and listened as he tells her how he's going with a girl who asked him from his school. he calls her all the time and its almost like their friends again. like nothing ever changed.
but then boy calls girl one day after school and asks her if she'll go to prom with him. he tells her how he really wanted to go with her and how sorry he is that he fogot about her. girl accepts it as her fault and agrees to go. they make plans and girl gets a dress. their parents meet and its all good like it's supposed to be. then girl finds out that when boy was guilt tripping her about her other guy that he had a girl friend. girl lets it go cause it's all in th past. and the next time they fight he blames her for his "iokesmng" problem that girl didn't kow about.
girl blocks his call until he says he's sorry for hurting her. and she forgives him again. prom rolls around till its only a few days away. they talk about plans and stuff. they've been dating for almost 3 weeks now. they girl finds out that when guy was telling her he loved her when he was going to prom with "ther girl" they were dating. now girl doesn't know what to do. everytime she tried to move on, he came back and wanted her again. but all the times he said "I LOVE YOU" there was always someone else. guy makes up the rule and girl follows them. they don't apply to him.
So girl doesn't know what to do know. she wonders if she;' given him too many chances and if she should walk away after prom. maybe even before then. this poor girl is tired of being in the wrong when all she does is love him.
What should she do??????

Migrane Attack & So Much More

Yesterday I had a migrane attack in school. Everyone has different simptoms and everyone takes slightly different forms of medication. My right arm went numb and i dropped one of my sculpture (it didn't break thank god!), then the right side of my face followed suit. I couldn't speak normally (I've hear a 1 year old who could speak better english) and i was shaking like my blood sugar dropped.
My mom made me go to school because neither of us recongnized the simptoms. i collapsed on the bus (Nobody saw) and i couldn't even listen to my Ipod cause the music was making me want to throw up. You know there's something wrong with me when i can't listen to music. My friend Elina said i was looking right at her and i don't even remember seeing her. Somehow I made it to teh chorus room and my music professor sent me to my homeroom (French Level 3). Our school Nurse doesn't come in until after 8:30 and classes start at 7:50. So I was toally screwed.
Eventually the nurse got in and THEN she decides to give me a hard time about it. She said it looked like i was faking. How the HELL to you fake a migrane???? I mena really now!!! So my mom came and got me and then conviently the nurse "remember" that she had my medication from the last time it happened. I was flipping pissed! If I'd been able to walk in a straight line without falling over from dizziness i would've flipped out. That was totally UNCALLED for and I Know for a fact she didn't forget, cause she picked me up off the floor the last time it happened.
it's total bogus, but i slept for 7 houts, misssed my last track meet and my last chance to qualify for sectionals, ate, and got another migrane. Life Sucks!!!

I Don't Get It!

QUESTION OF THE DAY!

Why do people have to pretend?

Like i really just don't get it. They all seem to take pride in being generic: acting, looking, and pretending to be just like everyone else. Why would you want to be just like everyone else? Isn't who you've grown to be enough? All the girls who dress in the same name brand clothes as everyone and their cousin and act like the other girls who don't give a damn are below them.

What makes having fake nails, dyed hair, and tres tres expensive clothes so special? I really don't get it. So the girls with the natural red hair, freckles, scars, far-out clothes, different jewelry, & bold make up are the REAL people.